A diary entry of Marcus referring to the "Dead-Ducks-Day"

Saturday, „The dead-ducks-day“

I knew that this day would be awful, because I knew that every day I would have to spend with that SPAT lot would be awful. I am ten years older than most of the kids of them. The last time just looking at them convinced me of getting a vasectomy. My mum thought that was a joke and started laughing as I told her, but I was actually being serious. 

I never want to have children. 

But Mum wanted me to go. Now she is even crying in the mornings. She said that she needs a rest and that “We’re not doing each other any good”. 

This was the first time I actually wanted to cry, too. What did she mean by that? What had I done to her? She is the one who’s always crying and upsetting me, so what did I do wrong?!

But I went to do her a favour. 

Suzie, the friend of mum that was supposed to take care of me, collected me with her daughter. At the Regent's park we met up with such a trendy bloke called Will, who was supposed to bring his son, too, but didn’t.

I did not like him at first.

I had the impression that he just tried to be cool to impress Suzie. He started to ask me stupid questions which sounded as if he had gotten them out of a book. As he asked why Suzie has to take care of me, she answered that my mum is a bit “under the weather” currently. 

I think that’s wrong. I think, mum is nuts. 

Anyways, Will and Suzie bored me. It was pretty obvious that Will tried to get off with her. So I went down to the pond and started feeding the ducks. Suddenly I had this really big piece of sandwich in my hand and I was so angry about Suzie and my mum that I tried to hit the ducks head with it.

I tried to do all sorts of things in my life: to achieve the highest score on the Stargazer magazine, to read Nicky’s thoughts by staring at the back of his head in the maths lessons – both things did not work out. And now the one thing I actually hadn’t even really wanted to do worked out – the sandwich hit the ducks head and the stupid animal keeled over. 

I could not believe it!

Maybe it was just about to die anyways, but who would have believed me that? 

I ran back to get Suzie and Will and we all stared at the dead ducks body bobbing up and down in the pond. 

I hated this silly Will-bloke even more as he started to make stupid comments about what I had done, but suddenly the park keeper appeared and I just thought: That was it. I will be imprisoned for a crime I probably haven't even committed.

But Will somehow got me out of the trouble. He convinced the park keeper that I just wanted to sink the duck, which has already been dead, by throwing bread at it, because the dead body was upsetting Suzie’s Baby Megan. It worked.

Maybe I didn’t hate Will after all. 

Apparently I did not know how nuts my mum was until we got back from our trip. 

Suzie gave me a lift home. I don’t know why she had insisted to come with me to the flat of my mum. And I don’t know why I was nervous as we walked up the stairs. Maybe I just imagined that afterwards. Will followed us, of course. 

As I opened the door, I saw my mum lying half on half off the sofa, with sick everywhere around her. It stank horribly.

I did not understand what I was seeing. 

At first, I was just confused why Suzie started screaming and slapping my mum. 

I did not see the empty bottle of pills until the ambulance came. Will had called them.

I could neither speak nor cry. There was just nothing to say.

But Suzie started to cry and then her Baby cried, too, and it was very noisy. 

I was just standing there, watching my mum making terrible moaning noises, which I knew I would never ever want to hear again in my life. 

“How could you do this? You’ve got a kid. How could you do this?” Suzie jelled at my mum.

Only then I started realising what was happening in front of me. 

This was not one of these horror movies, which never gave me nightmares before, because I know that they’re not real. I always thought that it does not make a difference whether you see something horrible or disgusting on TV or in reality. Shock is shock, isn’t it? 

But it makes a difference. 

This was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, even if it was just some puke and some shouting. My mum wasn’t even dead. 

But I knew that I would have to think about it forever.

 Marcus 

Here is a picture of us - Suzie, Will, Megan and me - staring at the dead duck. 

As I told Will that I had only tried to feed the duck, he took a look at the bread bobbing up and down next to the duck, and said: "That is not a sandwhich Markus, that's a bloody french loaf. No wonder it keeled over. That would have killed me!" 

Who did this Will think  he was?